5 Causes Why Surfers Are Simply the Worst

I like to surf. I really like surf tradition. I really like surfers. I really like the little issues that make browsing and surf tradition what it’s. And people little issues, a number of the time, are completely ridiculous. Surfers take browsing so significantly, and browsing is just not severe. Browsing is simply sliding round on a wave, hoping to have as a lot enjoyable as a human being can presumably have. We ditch our households and duties searching for that enjoyable. We gown up in humorous skintight fits to poo-stance our method over little lumps of water, then we come dwelling and bore our non-surfing pals with wildly exaggerated tales of our hard-charging exploits. We’re too cool to assert, as a result of displaying happiness might imply that we’re so used to getting barreled that it’s develop into commonplace. It’s all hilarious. We’re the worst, and I wouldn’t need it another method. And sure, I notice that we don’t all have the next traits… however a hell of a number of us do.

1. We’re egocentric.

Browsing, you’ve possible heard, is an inherently egocentric pursuit. Positive, there are just a few folks right here and there who may, simply may, get pleasure from watching different folks get waves, however for essentially the most half, we’ll take one wherever and at any time when we will get it. We’ve all executed it sooner or later, whether or not it’s again paddling somebody “by chance”, dropping in on somebody who we “didn’t suppose was going to make the part,” or just paddling straight again out to the height and dropping in as late as humanly potential, solely to be overwhelmed with outrage when another person “didn’t suppose we have been going to make the part.” Oh, we’re egocentric, alright.

2. We nonetheless glamorize violence.

I’m not speaking about Michael Bay kinda violence, which is superior. I’m speaking in regards to the loopy variety of folks (totally on Web boards, thank God), who gleefully shout from their keyboards that “children have to be taught the exhausting method,” and a superb punch within the tooth is one of the simplest ways to show an individual about dropping in. Full grown adults, clamoring about respect and slaps and “security within the lineup” and smashing rocks by way of different folks’s surfboards. Nah. Actual lecturers don’t beat the lesson into somebody. They clarify it with phrases, like a grownup.

3. We’re horrible for the setting.

Holy shit, browsing is dangerous for the world. Whereas an entire pile of manufacturers are certainly leaping on the inexperienced prepare, wetsuits and surfboards and stomp pads and leashes are all simply horrible. We snap surfboards made of froth and coated in poisonous glass, cowl our our bodies in neoprene, and, if we’re fortunate, drive and fly and customarily barf exhaust all over in an effort to get to someplace with a unique lump of water to slip round on whereas we discuss in regards to the significance of saving the ocean.

4. We predict we’re the cool children.

“When you don’t surf, don’t begin.” Yeah, crowds suck. And yeah, it will be superior if I used to be the one surfer on the planet. However I’m not, and the mentality that nobody else ought to begin as a result of we’re already doing it’s dumb. I like taking part in golf, too, and I hate getting log jammed behind a bunch of 200-year-olds who selected to stroll as an alternative of drive a cart, however I’m not slamming them for doing it. Nobody in golf is slamming them for doing it, and nobody in golf is screaming that much less folks ought to take up golf as a result of the programs are too crowded. Right here’s a little bit of meals for thought: earlier than we began browsing, another person didn’t need us to start out. Browsing isn’t some little unique membership anymore, as nice as that will be, and we’re all a part of the issues we like to complain about a lot. We’re not a tribe, you guys. We’re only a complete bunch of people that like to surf.

5. We’re liars.

Very like individuals who fish, surfers are terribly susceptible to exaggeration. No, that wave wasn’t 20-feet. No, that barrel wasn’t as deep as you’re saying it’s. No, you didn’t get above the lip, and no, you in all probability wouldn’t like to surf maxing Pipeline.